Crafting the Celestial Saga: Jumper 9

Welcome to this entry of Crafting the Celestial Saga where I give you a behind-the-scenes look at the series. This entry is all about chapter six of Dawn of the Seekers, Jumper 9. I am someone who hates spoilers so I would like to warn you that spoilers for Dawn of the Seekers follow. If you have not finished reading Dawn of the Seekers, or plan on reading it in the future, you may want to avoid reading Crafting the Celestial Saga until you do.

In this chapter, the Kaltari launch an attack on Jumper 9, a research facility that the United Celestial Alliance never thought the Kaltari Empire would be interested in. We are introduced to a future member of Nova Team and left with a mystery that will be answered in a couple chapters. For now, let’s dive into Jumper 9.

---

- Section One: Differences from the Finished Script -

Jumper 9 was not a section of the story that existed in the first draft. In the second draft, or finished script, there are a couple of major changes to the story. Mainly concerning the two researchers aboard Jumper 9, the introduction of the story’s main villain, and how Nova Team’s future team member joined the team.

In the finished script, Doctors David Ye-Jun and Kesh Timbe had a larger role. They talked with Nova Team throughout the mission and had gathered information from the alien device that Jumper 9 was built around. In the finished script, Jumper 9 was built around an alien outpost that contained the device. In the finished version of the story, Jumper 9 was built on an asteroid where the alien device was found. I settled on this change as I decided that I didn’t want a full-blown alien outpost floating around in space. Having a single device of unknown origin on an asteroid created more of a mystery around it. I also placed this location at the farthest reaches of the Milky Way since that would be the arrival of our friends from the Inaris Galaxy. More on that in a couple entries though.

The change with the two researchers aboard the facility was necessary to cut down chatter. I mentioned previously how the finished script felt a bit too chatty to me. Giving them a smaller role to where they are only mentioned, and later on their bodies are found, cut down on a lot of dialogue that was not necessary for the plot to move forward. I did expand on their backgrounds, however, in the final version of the story to state why they were worthy researchers to take a stab at cracking what the alien device was.

Malaton was another huge reason why the role of the doctors was cut down. In the finished script, Malaton ended up finding the researchers and killing them with a sidearm. He did not have the imposing presence that I wanted the main villain to have. In the final story, you see his tactical mind play out as the Doom’s Prophet arrived after the attack on Jumper 9 started. Malaton, along with an initial strike force infiltrate Jumper 9 to give the impression that the Kaltari were after the two doctors. This was a rouse as Malaton used the doctors as a distraction to take the device. No one suspected the Kaltari were after a device that scientists within the UCA had been unable to discover its purpose.

In the finished version of the story, Malaton is revealed at the end of the chapter along with the Doom’s Prophet. However, Nova Team does not learn the name of their adversary or his flagship at that time. Malaton is presented as the largest Kaltari that anyone had ever seen along with the Doom’s Prophet being the largest ship that the Milky Way had ever seen. I gave Malaton an aura of mystery here by not revealing his importance, but from how I described the hulking mass of a Kaltari along with his massive war hammer, the readers would be able to tell he is important.

I once read that a story is only as good as its villain, and I found that sometimes the best villains are those who may not say a lot. Again, brining up the fact about the finished script being too chatty, here I let the chief villain enter and exit without a word. In fact, Malaton’s actions are only implied in this chapter. I wanted people to wonder about this guy and what he was capable of. That is showcased later on when Nova Team reaches the first Arashi vault.

I also had Jumper 9 explode in the finished script thanks to bombs left by the Kaltari. In the final version it is still out there, and I have plans to revisit this site in the future.

- Section Two: Socially Awkward Penguin -

Ciro Ruiz is not socially awkward. In fact, considering the other members of Nova Team, I would say Ciro would be the most outgoing next to Jamie Harper. However, in the finished script, I had an awkward introduction for the newest member of Nova Team. The finished script saw Ciro Ruiz joining Nova Team right after Kalfuri in an awkward handoff from John Banks. At some point, I don’t remember if it was in the finished script or the final version while writing, I had included a party that saw the exit of John Banks from Nova Team. This, however, was awkward and did not seem to fit the story so I axed it entirely. In the final version of the story, it is mentioned how Ethan brought Nova Team and Eagle Squadron together to announce John would be joining the squadron.

Ciro had an awkward little speech that he gave for his introduction to the team in the finished script. How awkward you may ask, one that makes me feel awkward for having written it in the first place. None of it felt natural to me, what Ciro said, the awkward handoff from John Banks to Ciro Ruiz. It felt clunky. When I arrived at this chapter while writing the final version, I was struck with how the story should unfold in a natural way.

Ethan Richards had the choice to keep John Banks on Nova Team while going to Jumper 9, but he wanted as many Spearhawks in the sky as possible. Ciro ended up being a UCA soldier who had been posted to Jumper 9 and assigned to lead Nova Team to the Station Commander once they arrived. Only when Nova Team arrived, Jumper 9 was immediately attacked by the Kaltari. Ciro stuck with Nova Team throughout the chapter before Ethan offered him the choice of going with Nova Team or staying on Jumper 9. Ciro saw this as his opportunity to do something bigger than himself and went with the team.

Overall, this new change in the story started the process of forging that comradery that I speak about in the book. It never made sense to have Ciro join the team immediately since there would be no chemistry between them. Especially given the fact that I had mentioned how special forces teams choose their members. It would have been like they had Ciro waiting as backup somewhere. Having him join the team at Jumper 9 presented a natural way for him to meet the team, build chemistry throughout the story, and later on join the team officially. As far as story changes go for the entirety of Dawn of the Seekers, this I would say is one of my favorites. When I first thought of it, it was one of those lightbulb moments for me. I had been struggling with a better introduction for Ciro to join the team and having him be part of Jumper 9’s security was the most natural way to have it happen.

For Ciro as a character, I wanted to present him as someone who is still trying to find his place in the galaxy. Many people may jump from job to job until they find what they like to do. College is not a necessity, and people may find that they don’t like it or not want to attend at all. Even if they did do good in school. There are also people who search for the place that they feel like they belong. I wanted to have a character like that and Ciro presented that opportunity. He had spent time working various jobs on his homeworld and traveling before he expanded his horizons to venturing off his homeworld. He thought the UCA military would offer his chance to see the galaxy but ended up being stationed at Jumper 9 instead. He ended up finding his place with Nova Team that fateful day of 26 June 2735.

There were two things for Ciro that I ended up axing along the way. One was an alternate origin for him that saw his father, who was a politician, make him get posted to Jumper 9 as punishment. In that path, his father was upset that Ciro was choosing a life in the military instead of attending a university or following in his footsteps. I ultimately did not want politicians to have that kind of power with the UCA military to make that happen, so I got rid of that idea entirely. Another thing that found its way to the cutting room floor was an action piece for Ciro. I had him make an acrobatic leap off of Ethan’s back to take out some Kaltari troopers during the cafeteria fight. After changing the quality of the Kaltari’s shield strength here, that move would not have had the end result as it originally did. Ciro ended up getting a nice action scene later on in the book so I think I made up for that cut.

- Section Three: The Alien Device -

To go along with the mystery of who is the massive Kaltari and what kind of ship arrived at the end of the chapter, I was intentionally vague as to what the alien device is. In the finished script, the UCA is more concerned with the power source of the device since it was self-sustaining and had lasted for five years. They weren’t too concerned on what information the device could have stored on it.

In the final version of the story, there is more of an interest on what could be on the device. Creating the mystery of what could be on it, why it is on a random asteroid by itself out in the fringes of the Milky Way, and what the signal it is sending out could be, all set up the title chapter.

---

Jumper 9 went through significant, but necessary changes, from the finished script to the final version of Dawn of the Seekers. It created questions that would be answered throughout the rest of the book and set the scene for the title chapter. There is still one chapter to go before the pivotal moment.

That will wrap things up for this entry. The next entry will be about chapter seven in the book, History Lesson. I hope you enjoyed this entry of Crafting the Celestial Saga, and I hope you will return for the next. If you have any questions, please feel free to use my website’s contact form and I will address them in a future entry.